The Oldest Recorded Joke is a Sumerian Fart Joke from 1900 BC; proving that fart humor is as old as mankind, and they spread (pun intended) throughout every culture. Here are 50 Fart Jokes and Memes with a lot of scent of humor:
The Best Fart Jokes
Eldery lady at the doctor – fart joke:
An old lady shares with her doctor: “doctor, I have had a lot of gas lately. I fart almost every minute. Luckily, it doesn’t smell and my farts are not very loud. It’s still embarrassing.” The doctor asks her a couple of questions and finally says “Take these antibiotics every day, for a week, and come back to see me next week”. When returning the following week, she is not pleased: “Doctor, the pills you gave me made my farts horribly smelly. It didn’t help at all.” The doctor responds “Well… now that these antibiotics have cleared your sinus infection, let’s work on your hearing.”
Coming home late at night:
At around 2 am, a drunk man arrived home. Just as he entered the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall cuckooed 2 times. Quickly he realized that this might wake his wife up, so he cuckooed another 10 times. He thought he had fooled his wife into thinking that he had arrived at midnight (12 pm). The following day, his wife asked him what time he got in, and he told her he returned home at midnight. She wasn’t upset. Then she said to him that they needed a new cuckoo clock: “last night, our clock cuckooed 2 times, then said ‘oh Sh!t’, cuckooed 4 more times, farted, giggled, and then cuckooed another 4 times.”
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Why did nobody laugh when the Queen farted? Because noble gases cause no reaction.
When a Velociraptor farted – it was a blast from the past!
Three flies were standing on a piece of dog poop at the park. One fly let out a loud fart – the other two yelled “Come on… table manners, we are trying to eat here!”.
With inflation, everything is getting so expensive. But I found a way to get gas for only $1.89: I went to Taco Bell.
Scientist Athlete & Stone Joke:
A Scientist, An Athlete, and a Stoner die and arrive in heaven simultaneously. Saint Peter told them that heaven was full and they would have to outwit the devil to be let in. Saint Peter calls the devil, and the devil says: “come on guys, hit me with your best shot.”
– The Scientist tries first and gives him a complex equation. The devil solves it in no time, and the man is sent to hell.
– The Athlete challenged the devil to a push-up contest, but the devil did 1,000 push-ups without breaking a sweat. The Athlete was sent to hell.
– The stoner says, “Give me a chair with holes carved in it.” The devil hands him the chair. The man sits down on it and farts. He asks the devil, “What hole did the fart come out of?” The devil takes out fart detectors and replies, “The fart came out the fourth hole.” The stoner says, “No, it came out of my butt.” And then enters heaven.
Elderly couple at the restaurant joke:
An elderly couple is sitting at their favorite restaurant, enjoying diner. The woman, with a naughty smile, leans over and whispers to her husband “I’ve just farted, but it was a quiet one. I hope it doesn’t smell!”. Her husband sighs and responds “Well, remind me that we need to get you new hearing aids later today.”
“Farting at the nudist colony” joke:
A man paid $100,000 to join a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there a gorgeous woman walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman noticed his erection, comes over to him, and asks, ‘Did you call for me?’ The man replies, “I don’t understand, what do you mean?’
She says “You must be new here. Let me explain. It’s a rule here that if you get an erection, it means I need to have s*x with you.” Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, and does the hanky panky with him right there.
The man continues to explore the colony’s facilities. He enters the sauna and, as he sits down, he farts…
Within seconds, a huge African American man comes by and asks, “Did you call for me?”.
“No, what do you mean?” said the newbie. “You must be new” says the man, “it’s a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.” The huge man turns him around, bends him over a bench and does the hanky panky with him right there in the sauna.
The newcomer limped back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, “How can I help you Sir?”, she asks. The man yells, “Here’s my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the membership fee.” “But, Sir” she replies, “you’ve only been here for a few hours. You haven’t had the chance to see all our facilities.”
The man says, “Listen lady, I’m 70 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart 35 times a day.”
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*** Fun fact about farts: adults fart on average 14 times per day ***
I silently farted in bed last night and then slowly lifted the covers. My wife screamed: “Oh come on… this really stinks.” It sure was a bad one…. because she was in the living room downstairs.
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris farts? Because nothing can escape Chuck Norris
(View our 110 best Chuck Norris jokes!)
What did the burp say to the other burp? Let’s get kinky and go out the other end!
“Old lady in the elevator” joke:
I got on an elevator in a very lavish building, and a young woman got on smelling of perfume.
The woman turns to me and arrogantly says, “Romance by Ralph Lauren, $150.00 an ounce!”
Then another young woman gets on the elevator and arrogantly says, “This is Chanel Number 5; it’s $200.00 an ounce!”
About 3 floors later, I reached my destination and was about to get off the elevator. Still, before I left, I looked both women in the eye, bent over Farted, and said, “pinto beans, at 49 cents a pound!”
*** Fun fact about farts: you can’t hold a fart indefinitely – it always has to come out! ***
“A girl tells her boyfriend they are going to do the 69. He lies on the floor, and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts.
The boyfriend gets up and walks out, saying, “yo mama is going to smell the remaining 68.”
I waited until we got married to fart in front of my wife. The Priest got really mad.
A boy returns home from school and tells his parents, “Mom, dad, the teacher asked a question today, and I was the only kid in the class that knew the answer!”
And the parents say, “That’s great, son. We’re proud of you! What was the question?”
And the boy says, “Who farted?”
Two Doctors saw a man limping down the street outside their hospital.
One said the other, “That limp must be due to arthritis of the hip.”
“No,” said the other, “Tha is clearly an artificial leg.”
“Let’s ask him,” said the first Doctor, and they went up to the man. “I hope you don’t mind; my colleague and I are interested in your limp.”
I say it is arthritis, and he says it is an artificial leg.
The limping man looked at them and said “you thought it was arthritis, and you thought it “s a wooden; I thought it was just a fart, and we were all wrong.”
*** fun fact about farts: in Germany and Austria, people have been fined $900 and $565 for farting at a Police officer (Sources: 1, 2) ***
This guy went out with the prettiest girl in the neighborhood.
The girl let out a loud fart when they got into the car.
She apologizes: “Excuse me, but I hope this is just between the two of us” The guy opens a window a says “If you do not mind, I’m letting it go!”
The most significant milestone in a couple’s relationship is not the first kiss. Is the first fart.
Why do you keep on farting? It’s the only gas I can afford.
Want to make your gym buddies feel good? Fart when they hug you and tell them: “wow, you’re really getting stronger.
Chuck Norris farted once, when he was in the Sahara Forest.
*** Fun fact about farts: Shreddies is a clothing brand that makes “flatulence” underwear designed to avoid smelly farts. According to the brand, their ‘Zorflex’ carbon panel absorbs all flatulence odors.***
What’s the difference between Mozart and loud fart?
One made music to your ear; the other is noise from you rear.
I farted in an elevator filled with people. It was wrong at so many levels.
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. One of them lets out a loud fart. The Bartender asks, “who farted? The rabbit answers: “I don’t know. I am only here because of the autocorrect.
I farted while walking in the cheese aisle at the supermarket. The man entering the cheese aisle behind me said to his wife: “Honey, I think they have good quality cheese here.
What branch of the military has farts the most? The Air Force
My Boss invited me to dinner, I farted at the table, and The Boss said. “How dare you fart before my wife.” I answered, “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn.”
What I love about being a teacher is farting at work and then watching the kids blaming each other.
Why could the fart not enter the club? It was expelled.
Love is like a fart; if you force it, it might be poop.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money.
I farted at the Apple Store, and everybody had to smell it,
that’s what they got for not having windows.
I stopped telling fart jokes because people kept telling me they stunk.
I had a jacket that smelled terrible.
It was a windbreaker.
An older adult visits the Doctor for his routine check-up.
“Doctor, I have constant gas, but the farts are always silent and odorless!”
The Doctor prescribes him some pills and tells him to return in two weeks.
Two weeks later, the man returns.
“Doctor, I still have constant silent farts, but now they stink!”
The Doctor replies, “Good, sinusitis is gone; let’s work on your hearing…”
A boy passes gas in the classroom, and his teacher throws him out.
He sits outside the class and starts laughing. The principal walks by and sees him. He asks, “Jimmy, why are you sitting outside class and laughing?”
The boy replies: “I farted in class, and the teacher threw me out.” The principal asks him again, “Well then, what is so funny about that?”
“The teacher and the other students are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
An elderly couple is at church. The wife turns to her husband and says, “I let out a silent fart; what should I do?” The husband replies, “As soon as we leave the church, I’m buying fresh batteries for your hearing aid.
*** Fun fact about farts: a scientific study confirmed that eating beans does increase gas and flatulence ***
When I was a kid, every time my dad farted, he told me it wasn’t him, that i was just hearing things. Later in life realized he had been gas lying to me.
What do you call it when a hooker farts? A proti toot
At what time in history did a cherry tree stank? When George Washington cut one.
What’s the difference between a museum and a Flatulent Old Man?
One has old artifacts; the other has old farty acts.
