Explore this collection of lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek ultra sexist jokes that skirt the line between playful banter and harmless ribbing humor meant to amuse without crossing the line. But then again the line keeps moving.
There are two categories of sexist jokes: sexist for men and sexist for women. These days sexism is an equal opportunity trait. Women can also be very sexist, but of course men are better at it like everything else (Go ahead just ask any man!).
Click here to jump to the type of sexist jokes you want (men or women) or simply keep scrolling:
Jokes that are sexist to women
Jokes that are existing to men
Let’s start with the ladies!
1. Jokes that are sexist to women
What does “your life” and “your pen1s” have in common? Women can make both of them very hard.
Wife: “I want to get a driver’s license.”
Husband: “what for? there are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen
The real reason there is a wage difference between men and women:
Yes, women do make less money than men.
But it’s because they tend to go for lower-paying jobs.
So it goes without saying women are going to be paid less.
For example, men tend to become executives or lawyers.
Women tend to become female executives or female lawyers.
Sexist jokes about women and driving
People joke about women and driving because most women can’t drive well. On the other hand, did you know that men actually often pay more for car insurance, because of their reckless driving? But let’s not let this get in the way of a few good jokes:
What takes 10 parking spaces? 5 women
Why can’t women park their cars properly? Because all their boyfriends have lied to them about what 7 inches looks like.
Helen Keller was a deaf and blind author and activist, who overcame her disabilities to become an influential advocate for people with disabilities worldwide. But she could not drive:
Women talking a lot
Another truth unacceptable sexist stereotype is that women talk A LOT. About everything. They want their feelings heard… Here are a few jokes that play on this stereotype:
Your dog barks in the backyard, and your wife yells on the front porch, who do you let in the house? The dog, because he will shut up once he enters the house.
Why is the extremity of the genit@als called “head” for men and “lips” for women? Because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.
Women can talk so much that they make telemarketers hang up on them.
Sexist jokes about women aging like milk
What is the difference between the girlfriend you date and the woman you have married?
About 50-60 pounds.
When does a fox turn into an elephant? A couple of years after you marry her.
According to science, women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who say something about it.
How do you get an overweight lady in bed? Piece of cake
Women and marriage
I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and have bought jewelry.
How is getting married similar to being in a tornado? Marriages and tornadoes both begin with a lot of strong blowing, but eventually, you end up losing your house.
What is the difference between a job and a wife? After a few years, your job still “sucks”.
How do you turn a pretty fox into a whale? You marry the fox and wait a few years.
What is another word for a woman who doesn’t make sandwiches? Single
When does a woman lose her intelligence? When she gets a divorce.
How many men does it take to open a beer bottle? None.
The bottle should already be opened when your woman brings it to you on the couch.
Other very funny sexist jokes and memes
Why did God create women? To get an easy way to move semen from the bed to the toilet
How can you annoy your girlfriend while having passionate sex? You give her a call.
Nervous, a man visits the doctor because the tip of his pen*s is very red. After a brief check-up, the doctor returns with a bottle and swab. He applies the product, and the redness almost instantly disappears! Very grateful, the man asks, “What did you use?” The doctor replies, “Oh, just a lipstick remover.”
If men call a short woman “Petite”, what do women call a short man?
A friend.
Second version:
If men call a short woman “Petite”, what do women call a short man?
They can’t call him.
Why do women fake reaching climax? Because they think men care.
Why is an arguing woman like a blunt knife? Neither has a point.
What do you call a woman who uses her mouth skills to get expensive shoes? Head over Heels
A woman got angry because I told her that her hair smelled a bit off. I don’t believe that it’s my fault that I’m a midget.
When is a woman right? When the kitchen isn’t left.
What is a woman with an opinion? Wrong
Why shouldn’t you mess with a woman with PMS and GPS? She is a b!tch, and she’ll find you.
What is a lesbian’s most outstanding achievement? Preventing feminists from breeding.
What kind of letters do feminists send? Hate Male
What is a minimum? A small female parent.
What do you call a lesbian rapper? Feminem
How do you deal with women and stones? Skipping the flat ones.
Why do women close their eyes during intimacy? They don’t want to see a man having a good time.
Why do feminists flunk algebra? They can’t solve inequalities
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? They don’t want to be mistaken for feminists.
I was invited to a feminist picnic the other day. Had a great time, but no one made any sandwiches.
What do you call a happy feminist? I’ll ask her if I ever see one.
What’s the difference between a feminist and a grenade?
A grenade will actually make an impact when it’s triggered.
What’s the difference between a woman and a brick. You don’t have to cuddle a brick after you lay it.
A feminist said to me today that all men are pigs. I told her that women and men are equal.
A woman asked me if I was in her vegetarian club? I assure you I have never met herbivore.
A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up…
byu/globalgamer inJokes
Why did the woman cross the road? The question should be, what was she doing out of the kitchen?
Women fall in love with their ears, men with their eyes. That is why women wear makeup and men lie.
Women say all men are the same, but choosing one takes them forever.
What is women favorite book? The checkbook
Teach a man to fish, and he will never go hungry. Teach a woman to fish; she will never stop telling you that you’re doing it wrong.
What’s 6 inches long and 2 inches wide, and almost all women want to have it? A 100-dollar bill
What is a strong, independent woman? One who can open a jar without your help.
My wife suggested I see things from her point of view. So I looked out the kitchen window.
If you want to see how different men and women are, see how they react differently when you tell me about the word “Facial”.
Back in my day, Barbie was the only girl made of plastic.
My feminist Israeli friend insists I call her a Shebrew.
My wife complained that I never listened to her. Or something like that…
I made a mistake and gave my girlfriend a Gorilla glue stick instead of her chap stick. She isn’t talking to me anymore.
Behind every angry woman is a man who has no clue what he did wrong.
I haven’t spoken to my wife in a year. I’m afraid of interrupting her.
2. Jokes that are sexist to men
Let’s get now to the funniest jokes that are sexist to men:
What do you think when you see a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.
What do you call men who listen to the Andrew Tate podcast?
Single.
If he is strong, rich, makes you sweat, and keeps you up at night, he is coffee.
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will drink beer on a boat all day.
Translating man’s language:
I am hungry > I am hungry.
Do you want to see a movie tonight? > I would like to have s*x with you.
How about we go out to eat? > I would like to have s*x with you.
Do you want a drink? > I would like to have s*x with you.
What’s wrong? > Oh god, here we go again.
I like your dress > I bet you look good naked.
I like that dress better > Jesus, she really won’t decide.
I like your top > You have nice b00bs.
I love you > It’s been a few days we haven’t had s*x. How about tonight?
You look good today > It’s been a few days we haven’t had s*x. How about tonight?
I love you too > OK, I’ve said it. Happy?
What words will instantly make a man sad? “Is it in?”
Men are like a good hardwood floor. If you lay them really well, you can walk on them for 40 years.
How do you know when a man is ready for some action in bed? He is breathing.
Why are men not good at making eye contact?
Because b00bs don’t have eyes.
I wanted to show my wife who’s boss in our house. I held a mirror up to her face.
If you come home to a man who’ll give you a little love, affection, and tenderness? You might be in the wrong house.
The man of your dreams doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.
What do you call a man with half a brain? A gifted man.
What do you get when you have two little balls in your hand? A man’s complete attention.
Two men were strolling down the street when one said: “how sad, a dead bird.” The other man looked up and asked, “where?”
Husband: Would you care for a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?
How are men like Lava lamps? Both are fun to look at, but none are too bright.
How come a banker is good in bed? He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Never let your husband’s mind wander; it’s too small to be alone.
Men are like bank accounts. With a lot of money, they can generate interest.
A woman went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!” The mother replied, “You have my sympathy?”
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that’s why I stopped going there.
How many knees do men have? A: 3, the right knee, the left knee, and the wee-knee.
When would you want a man’s company? When he is the owner of such a company.
Why do only a few men make it to Heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why do so few men make it to Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions.
How are husbands like lawnmowers? They’re hard to start and only work half the time.
What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four men.
How do you know when a man is well-hung? You can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss. (His wife)
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? The glass of wine always hits the spot.
What two things make a perfect husband? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
How do you prevent your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename them Instruction Manual.
How do you know a man is working on a contingency plan? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical man? He only cares about legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and need to be more trustworthy.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barber cue.
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like women to be as bright as they are.
Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet? Because they like to make noise on both ends.
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run when you cry.
What do you call a man who never passes gas in public? A private tutor.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching football? The sofa doesn’t ask for beer.
How do you know a man is about to say something clever? He starts with, “My wife says…”
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men remember them.
What’s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? : Some people claim they have seen Big Foot
Why do doctors slap babies when they’re born? To knock the penises off the best ones.
Why did Dorothy get lost going to see the wizard of Oz? Because she was being led by three males.
